Mar 14

Mar 14 How to Get What You Want -- Instead of avoiding out of fear

Complacency is Avoidance

One of the most common fears that comes up for most of my clients in some form is being worried about what other people will think.

I know, it’s something we hate — it shouldn’t matter that much, right?

But it’s deeper than that — It’s not really about being worried about how people will respond or react that scares you...

It’s about opening yourself up to the risk of how they respond that scares you.

Today, I have a deep call to action for you — don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Timing is Everything

Example #1.

[My heart is beating out of my chest as I write this, which is so aligned with the point I want to make here.]

We have a deep desire to love and be loved embedded in our human nature.

When I was 17, I fell in love for the first time.

At the same time, I was also in the midst of dealing with a long-time-coming parent’s separation and divorce after many years of watching love go bad.

I was scared.

Scared of my feelings, but even more so, scared of being hurt, rejected, abandoned, let down, not to mention, losing the best creative outlet I had in my life because band members were not supposed to date.

A few months later, I learned what was one of the biggest lessons of my life — regret.

A sudden — accident, attempt, call it what you will, I guess I’ll never truly know — rendered me with my first experience with grief, and one I thought was going to get the best of me. Not only did I not know how to process it, but yet I had an even greater emotion suffocating me…

I never told him…

Timing My Ass

Example #2.

In 2014, I felt like I had finally accomplished what I’d been working the past at least five years toward only to find myself asking…

IS THIS IT?

In my long venture of putting myself through college, moving my way up in retail, leaping off executive-track to change career paths, doing the work-leftovers as a temp, in order to work my way up to land the corporate, salaried job in my field, then finding myself unhappy…

After starting my photography business just a year earlier, I realized I wanted something greater! I desired to go after what I was passionate about and excited the hell out of me!

But who was I to do this?
I just started, there’s no way I was good enough.
What if I can’t do it?
What will people think?
What if I fail?

We’ve all been in private combat with these thoughts at LEAST once on our journey — if not a little bit each and every day.

But I did something different this time.

I made it fucking happen.

As I’m sitting here writing this, cozied up in bed, dogs by my side, not even worried that it’s nearly 2 AM, I’m relishing in the fact that I’ve created the life that I had so deeply wanted — that version of happiness I longed for when I realized that I wasn’t happy in my “successful” corporate j-o-b.

Back to the Basics

Maslow’s hierarchy of happiness illustrates how humans are motivated through the different levels of needs — basic, psychological, and self-fulfillment needs.

Stay with me here.

According to Maslow, I was almost there. I had provided for myself, kept a roof over my head, established many friends (and love) along the way, and felt accomplished in so many areas — promotions, graduation, landing the job offer, getting the paycheck...

But I wasn’t truly happy.

THIS IS WHERE MOST OF US STOP.

If you’re in a job you hate, a toxic relationship you won’t leave, or even just living day in and day out in a hamster-wheel routined life, ask yourself…

What are you avoiding?

The idea of self-fulfillment — feeling truly fulfilled — is where we can put ourselves at the greatest risks.

Because it’s easier to stay complacent, keep our head down, keep quiet, instead of being vulnerable and courageous.

Why?

Because when we’ve loved — we’ve gotten hurt.
Because when we’ve spoken up — we’ve been put down.
Because when we’ve opened up — we’ve been rejected.
Because when we’ve tried — we’ve failed.

As a result, we’ve learned to AVOID things we deeply desire out of fear of the latter.

Love.
Forgiveness.
Success.
Fulfillment.
Joy.
Peacefulness.
Happiness.

The Antidote

What would you do now if you knew you could not fail?

And even if you did, would it be worth the regret if you didn’t even try?

We’re all overdue to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and go after what we truly and deeply want.

I know it’s scary.

But you are so capable.

Choose not to be one of the many.
Decide that you won’t settle for anything less.

It’s time to go after what it is you deeply fucking want.

#WATCHME

If you haven’t read Brenè Brown’s book Daring Greatly, go check it out. I want to thank the first two chapters for giving some insight and inspiration for this post.